there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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