just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
