Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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