Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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