in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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