i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
