I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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