evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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