Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
