gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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