it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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