we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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