Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
