he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
