if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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