things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
