thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
