its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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