Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
