Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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