It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
