This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
