Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
