He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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