it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
