it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
