Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
