I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
