i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
