the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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