those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
