dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
