i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
