Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
