I'm gonna have a badass scar
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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