You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
