How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
