Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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