Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
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