Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
