PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
