good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can feel your judgement through the phone
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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