The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
