remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
