I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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