I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
