Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
