I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
home. puking in laundry basket.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
