I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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