dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
