I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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