if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
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